Bangkok Nightlife Is a Black Hole: Don't Destroy Your Life

Bangkok has a way of pulling men in, especially newcomers, and trapping them in a loop they never intended to live.

World-class nightlife, beautiful women, beers with the boys, and an endless parade of rooftop bars and red light districts.

It sounds like freedom and for a while, it genuinely is.

But freedom and a being stuck in a loop are two very different things.

The Dopamine Loop

Here's what the loop that I'm talking about looks like.

Step 1: You wake up at noon, spend the day feeling like shit, being wildly unproductive and not getting a whole lot of what anyone would call "work" done.

Step 2: Start feeling better the next day and go out again till 3-4am.

Step 3: Repeat.

Days blur into weeks. Weeks blur into months.

Your entire life narrows down to your dumb ass just going out drinking beer and sleeping with random girls you met off dating apps and in person.

Your health declines, your ambitions crumble to dust and somewhere along the way, what felt like the good life starts feeling hollow.

That's the black hole effect.

You'll have fun in the moment, but you'll look back on this sort of lifestyle and realize you didn't really have fun.

The goal of living abroad isn't to chase the strongest dopamine hit available every night. It's to build a dynamic and interesting life that you couldn't have built back home.

Lower cost of living, new experiences, real friendships with expats and locals, travel, maybe a relationship. Nightlife has a place in that life. It just shouldn't be the center of it.

It's Okay to Indulge if You're Brand New

If you're fresh off the plane Bangkok will blow your mind with what it offers so go ahead and enjoy it. I did, and my only regrets are that I wasted a bit too much time there. 1 year was solid, but beyond that was excessive.

Have your rotation of random Essan girls you're seeing each week, checkout random clubs and bars, venture into the red light districts, maybe even find a girl who you could date (hard in Bangkok as every girl has strangers.com installed on their phone).

The city is genuinely unlike anything you've experienced if you're coming from the a simple middle class town in America. The energy, the food, the people, the pace.

Soak it in and tap into your degenerate side.

This warning isn't for your first few months. It's for what comes after, when the novelty should be fading but the habit hasn't.

When the loop is gearing up and you're unwittingly following it's path. When your degenerate side becomes you as a man.

Four Ways to Stay Grounded

Have some self respect, elegance and manly virtue. Don't transform into some sort of loser. Here are some quick heads up advice:

1. Find a physical outlet and use it to meet people.

Muay Thai is the obvious one in Bangkok, but it doesn't have to be that. Run clubs, CrossFit, Hyrox, paddle, whatever gets you moving and puts you in a room with people who are doing something with their lives.

This matters more than just fitness.

The social circle you build around a physical activity tends to be a better one. Driven people who are in happy healthy relationships of all ages who aren't just there to drink or do elicit drugs.

2. Come with a purpose or nightlife will become your purpose.

This doesn't have to be some grand vision, it just has to be something. Building an online income, learning a language, developing a skill, working toward a business or creative outlet, anything that gives your days structure and your life direction.

What is your 6am to 6pm like?

It better not just be the time recovering from the previous night out.

When your identity is anchored to something you're building, then nightlife stays in its proper lane. Without that anchor, your life in Bangkok will likely become a hedonistic pursuit of girls.

3. Be willing to do things alone.

Sometimes you just got to go it alone and do stuff.

When I did Muay Thai for the first time I just showed up to the gym not knowing anyone. After a few classes I started having a bunch of guys to hang out with.

I also took a trip to Khon Kaen Thailand alone. There I meet this Thai girl named Lita who works in Bangkok (she was a part time lecturer at KK University). She became a good friend to this day and is a "connector" as I like to call it.

She's from a wealthy Thai-Chinese family, is well connected and always invites me to cool stuff in Bangkok. Through her I meet other people like my buddy Romeo who's a fit, retired 40 something Korean American Army guy.

Connectors?

Every social group has people who seem to know everyone, who are plugged into everything. Once you find even one of them, your entire network can expand quickly.

But you only find them by getting out of your room, talking to people, and being a little patient.

You can't manufacture it, but you can improve your odds by showing up.

4 - Don't Fuck Up

I thought this goes without saying, but after seeing foreign guys in Bangkok I do now think I need to mention it.

Don't.

Fuck.

Up.

What that looks like is you getting into a fight with a ladyboy, a drunken argument with some fat bald old guy from the UK who is in fact a total dickhead or getting that cute (but mentally unstable) 19 year old girl you meet off Tinder pregnant.

Men complicate their lives in unbelievable ways. You're coming in with a world of promise and potential, make it happen in a positive way.

Bangkok rewards people who approach it with intention

The city will give you whatever you're looking for, if all you're looking for is a good time, that's exactly what you'll find, right up until it stops being a good time and starts being a rut.

The men who thrive long-term abroad aren't the ones who party the hardest in year one. They're the ones who figured out how to build something meaningful and lasting.

A social circle, a business, a routine, a life worth living while still enjoying everything the nightlife has to offer.

Bangkok is a black hole.

But black holes only trap you if you're not paying attention.