Online Dating Advice For Men Who Struggle Getting Matches
Online dating advice (oh god here we go) - The only online dating tips you need!
Online dating.
You all are probably too young to remember, but it used to be the territory of the desperate, timid, and socially awkward.
At least that was the stereotype circa the mid-2000's. How things have changed.
Now-a-days with the advent of social media there followed an explosion of dating and hook up apps. They are as common as Starbucks and about as popular to.
No doubt, online dating has become the modern day match maker. Instead of meeting girls organically out in public using day game too many rely on swiping right.
…all the more reason you need online dating advice and online dating tips to help guide you.
The biggest question most ask is how and where do you meet people that are date worthy?
Once you’re done with school and you’re working full time it gets harder and harder.
Are you going to meet the love of your life at a bar?
At a friends party?
Maybe haphazardly when you’re strolling through the mall?
Sure, why not.
Crazier things have happened, but why put it to chance?
This is why online dating has such a level of popularity. It is a buffet of people (delicious).
It can be difficult to meet quality people if you’re single and on your own.
Learning how to date online is useful because the sexual marketplace is now globalized and that beautiful girl you like has a wide range of options.
As a man it's play vs player so if you choose to ignore how to become attractive using an online dating app, you’re missing out on a wonderful way to meet a variety of girls you may never would otherwise.
You're also missing out on access to attractive girls who you will lose to another man potentially forever.
Stop looking at dating sites with skepticism and prejudice (they are selling a service, not crack) and learn how to use online dating sites and have fun with it.
You can literally browse other human beings by category
White, Black, Asian, mix, other. Set predefined height limits (if you're a short guy, this is the bane of your existence), set up filters on who can talk to you and who can not.
Unfortunately for your average guy, most dating apps are now swipe left or right. This sucks because you can't even take a shot and message a girl you're attracted to anymore like you could in the past.
Instead, you have to become attractive.
Adapt or die
Plain and simple it's gotten to a point where you have to get into that top 20% of men who women deem attractive.
...and it's only going to get more competitive.
If you're in the top 20%, women will at least say yes and give you a shot. It's only the top 4% of men who women find so attractive that they pursue.
So What Are you Looking for?
Dating sites cater to different crowds.
Tinder is good for meeting girls for casual dating, fwb type setup and maybe something more if you're handsome and charming enough.
Bumble is popular, the girls have to message you first but they always just send an emoji or say "hi." I've meet both girls who want hookups and proper dating.
Badoo is one of my favorites for meeting girls. It also has a "near me" feature that allows girls to message you who are close by.
OkCupid is a good for finding more relationship oriented girls, but you can also find girls interested in a casual relationship.
Optimizing your dating app profile
Now let's get into the profile.
Yes black pillers, looks really matter. Your pics are far and beyond the most important aspect of a dating app profile.
But you still need to know how to write a compelling profile description.
I'll cover both, so let's get to the most important, your pictures.
The profile picture
Time to be creative right?
NO.
Pick a picture that looks like you.
Have a female friend tell you what a good picture is first off.
What you may think looks good may not look so hot to the opposite sex. Its always best to actually ask the opposite sex first when possible.
Here are some tips:
- Do not use your high school photos. I can't believe I need to state this, but I don’t care if your 21, you may look good, but its weird. Why don’t you have current pictures? Do you not go out, do you not have friends? These are the questions that will be raised, so do yourself a favor and ditch the school book photos. Also, girls like older guys. That cute 22 year old girl wants a man, not a boy.
- The best pics are the natural ones of you where you’re outside doing something dressed normally that actually looks like you. Not you 10 yrs ago, or you 20 lbs lighter.
- They make her curious.
- They don't look posed or contrived.
Photos every dating profile needs
You don't need all of these, but if you can manage it, it will work wonders.
- Standard profile shot.
- Group shot with friends.
- Body shot.
- Ambition pic.
- Passion post.
- Cute guy pic.
Standard profile shot
Your basic headshot, not a goofy corporate headshot.
Get a headshot, ideally the upper 3rd of your body with a proper camera that will have a slightly out of focus background.
Also make sure it's a high quality photo with a clear contrast between you and the background.
It should also just be a photo of you alone. With no distracting background where your face is clearly shown.
My example:
https://www.instagram.com/p/CNZ2MHwB7jR/
Last, no selfies.
Girls don't like selfie pics.
Maybe you could pull off a car pic, but that's about it:
Group pic
The goal of a group pic is to show you're a fun person who has friends and is socially adjusted and "safe" to hang out with.
Girls worry about their safety in a way we men don't.
You already know the power of a good group shot.
The best group shots show you having fun and doing something with other people like a ski trip, hanging out on the beach etc - my group pic is meh, but I look handsome.
I want to get a Muay Thai group shot. as that's more optimal and the right combination of masculine and athletic.
The best group pics:
- Make it easy to see who you are.
- Make the girl curious as to what is going on.
- Is not a mix of people where you blend in.
- Don't use a boring event even like a wedding.
- It's just you and one other person.
Body shot
Don't be a fat fu%k.
Go to the gym 3x a week, learn how to lift weights and learn how to eat properly.
Then, once you have some definition, muscles and your rice belly, chicken wings for arms and nerd boy shoulders are gone then you can take a good body shot.
The best body shots are where you're doing something cool where your body is visible and where it makes sense to be shirtless like the beach or the gym.
The worst body shots are:
- Clearly an old photo where you're thinner than your other pics.
- A weird mirror selfie.
- Shirtless selfie in the bathroom.
Ambition pic
A picture of you working, focused and determined. Ready to take on the world and achieve success.
Demonstrate masculine qualities.
Can be you playing a sport seriously, working on a laptop, at a work site leading a group of men, on stage. Whatever.
Passion post
Show off your hobbies, pursuits and things you're passionate about.
Building or fixing a car/motorcycle.
Taking pictures with a quality camera or painting.
Whatever.
The goal is to also give her an easy way to message you.
Cute guy pic
A nice soft pic that balances out the rest of your pictures.
It does not have to be a dog, it can be anything that makes you look, cute. Kids, other animals, goofing off.
The point here is show a more gentle side, not aggressive and that you don't take yourself too seriously.
What you send vs what she sees
You send: A pic of you with your ex cut out.
She sees: A pic of you with your ex cut out. Girls don’t like that.
You send: You only shirtless.
She sees: A weirdo if done wrong.
You send: A pic with you and your pet dog.
She sees: A dog lover. Girls like that.
You send: A pic with you and your pet tarantula/python/hamster.
She sees: A Weirdo.
You send: A pic with you and your BMW/Mustang/monster truck.
She sees: A guy thinks he can impress me with toys. She doesn’t date shallow guys.
You send: Your penis
She sees: A creep. This is the worst pic you can send a girl. It does not turn her on. Some girls do like this, but only from guys they are already interested in and sleeping with.
You send: A pic of you 20lbs lighter and 7 yrs younger.
She sees: A good looking guy, only to be disappointed when she meets you in person.
You send: You in a tux at a wedding with your friends.
She sees: She is not sure which one is you, but she thinks your cute, oh wait, she thinks your friend is cute. Sorry.
Don't be boring and generic:
Whats up? I’m 24, I like to chill, looking for a cool girl to relax with. My goal is to win the lotto and open a bar.
What I am looking for: Someone who knows how to have a good time. Hit me up if you like what you see.
You come off like an idiot if you write this.
You can keep things short and leave a little mystery and give an open for girls to message you or go full controversial.
An open just means to include a fun, interesting question that women can respond to when messaging you.
My dating profile description that broke OkCupid:
Being overly nice and generic is boring and it does not work.
Here is a dating profile I wrote for myself that got a massive response. Girls felt like they had to respond and prove themselves to me.
Which opened up the conversation and led to lot's of dates:
Honestly, whats the point of this part? I don’t think girls actually read this area. You just look at my pics and 1) disqualify me if you don’t think I am cute or 2) you read what I wrote and return my message only *after* viewing my pics to see if I am cute enough.
This is why guys generally don’t put in the effort online because it goes unrewarded. Yea I could talk about how I am in shape and I’m smart and I want a family and I like pets, and I’m entrepreneurial. I could get into all the ways you would be lucky to have a guy like me…but you don’t care about any of that. You just care about what the pics are.
Because I forgot that arrogance is a new trait among so many on this site, that you look down on guys, that because you think your so pretty and wear nice clothes, but have nothing to offer other than your looks you deserve some GQ looking guy.
Oh and if you thought I was cute and actually read to this point…high five, what I just wrote was a test to see if girls read profiles or not, and if you don’t think im cute but read this ha ha tricked you, I was probably not that interested in you anyways. (and yes I agree, the above applies to guys as well, guys are worse actually…and yes this was meant to be slightly truthful/humorous since most of us go of the pictures, make a + or – decision THEN read the profile….looking forward to see what kind of hate mail I get with this, Ill keep you up to date).
I got an overwhelming number of matches and messages with this little number.
It's polarizing, fun and to the women who actually read it caused them to feel the need to message me (because of their need to always be right) and helped me stand out.
You don't have to something this extreme obviously
Just keep is short, sweet and fun.
No run on sentences. Keep it to 500 characters, avoid cliches, try to include cliff hangers or stories that make her want to message you.
Convey that you would be a good time to hang out with.
- Demonstrate some positive aspect of your personality, (sense of humor, confidence, drive, ambition) in your profile.
- Takes a risk by being polarizing - like I did with my crazy bio or with an image.
- Show you're social and have friends, but don't show you standing next your friends if they're particularly tall. My friend Andrew is 6,2, my friend Mike is 6,1 my buddy Chris is a towering 6,5. I'm 5,10, 170 lbs guy. I look little if I take a group shot, so take an natural, group picture in some other effective way.
- Show you're fun to be around and that you don't take everything too seriously.
Three qualities
Think about three qualities you want to show (confident, smart, funny). Then write a sentence for each that makes you feel those qualities when you read it.
Keep everything 1-3 sentences.
I'm know I'm ready for commitment because I never skip leg day.
If you can come up with a pity cliff hanger or question that works too.
A profile is NOT a resume, it is a piece of sales copy advertising YOU
You take time reading reviews before you buy something.
Well what the heck do you think online dating is? The profile is your sales copy, your picture is the product, the date is the test to see if it works, and the late night romp means you did the job as advertised.
You need to take time and care when filling this stuff out. It takes practice. Make a word document that is dedicated to what your online profile reads.
Work on it and make changes to it little by little till it is perfect. Since it is in a word file you can easily copy and paste it on any site you end up using.
Spell check / grammar / all caps
Spell check your words and understand the difference between your and you’re, their, there, and they’re. This is essential online dating advice. Spelling errors make you look stupid.
Valuable online dating tips also include the warning to never use all caps. It makes you look like an idiot or a 14 year old girl (no offense to 14 year old girls reading this)
WHY AM I YELLING YOU MAY BE WONDERING? I AM YELLING AT YOU TO STOP USING ALL CAPS BECAUSE ANY REASONABLY INTELLIGENT PERSON FINDS THIS ANNOYING.
Exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is how women write.
You're a man. Don't write like this.
You may think that it shows enthusiasm but it's the wrong energy you're sending out.
What you write and what he sees
Buying a house and getting a date, actually have a lot in common.
For starters, there’s “code."
“Cozy” means small and cramped, “partial view” means a view of a building that’s in the way, and “great potential” means money pit.
The same goes for what women write (kind of joking here but let's have at it):
Healthy and Athletic: 15 lbs overweight - likes the idea of working out, not actually working out.
Loves animals: has 20+ cats.
Free spirit: might be slutty, aka a potential random hook up.
I’m a caring woman: plain looking, over 40, bakes banana bread.
Intelligence is sexy: mid.
Girls just wanna have fun: chubby over-weight chick who thinks she's a 9 and is too good for you.
To have a chance with me: high maintenance, big ego.
Don’t waste my time/ where are all the good men: a complainer with bad taste in men, over 30 with unreasonable standards.
Funnel everything to IG or a related chat app
Finally, funnel attention from dating apps to your Instagram or a chat app like WhatsApp or whatever is popular.
In Korea it's Kako Talk, in Thailand it's IG and Line, Indonesia uses WhatsApp.
This applies to older guys who don't get how to use social media today. No one calls on the phone. Don't ask "what's you're number baby."
It's not 1996 guys.
Get with it.
Adapt or die.
Books and more books
Actually I only have one book that I recommend is called Models from Mark Manson.
The main aspects of this book you'll find helpful is how to protect yourself from investing in emotionally in someone who is problematic or is not interested in you as well.
Check it out, I suggest you get the Audible version.
We’ve reached the end of journey together.
If you got value out of this, please share this with someone it could help.
I wrote it for them.
More? More! Checkout these dating related articles:
Edge of David
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Cheers gentlemen.