What the hell happened to real men?
Men like my dad or grandfather. Men with hardy strength and resolve. Men with substance and a masculine energy. The kind of guys who were taught as kids to be tough, play sports, climb trees, fight when need be, get up when you fall, don’t cry, be strong, work hard, take care of the home, get the groceries out of the car, take out the trash, shovel snow, mow the lawn, protect, watch out for his siblings, his mother, his families property, his reputation, fight for those who can’t fight for themselves; and lastly and most importantly, develop a sense of self respect and standards so he can make something out of himself. So that when he walks into the room at a family get together it it no question who he is. He is a man. What happened?
Unfortunately for today, we have three lame models for being a “real” man:
1) The Metrosexual
2) The Tough Guy
3) The Clueless Dolt
Metrosexual is obsessed with body image
This is the type of guy who takes just as long as a girl to get ready. He likes to shop, enjoys grooming, thinks because he is handsome he is superior to others. Bases his decisions on looks and appearance. Puts too much emphasis on appearance. Is borderline vain. Shaves every possible piece of hair off his body and is always on the hunt for the elusive six pack abs. Because the ladies love the six pack abs right?
The tough guy pushes other down to raise himself up
Wanna be rappers, drug dealers, gangsters fall under this. Guys who think that being a man is about how big and strong you are. They talk a lot about respect, but respect is something they have very little of for anyone else (including women). This is the type that bullies others. That is controlling with women. Excessively possessive and petty. That is surprisingly insecure. So much so that he must pushes others down around him in order to uplift himself so he can feel better. He is not dominant, but rather, domineering. An overall jerk.
Clueless dolt, aka dumb dad, stupid Steve
This guy is the subject of sitcoms and tv commercials. Instead of father knows best, the father is just another over grown child who screws up and makes a mess. All the while competent mom rollers her eyes at the idiocy of dumb dad, stupid Steve and fixes the problem.
How did we get to this sorry state of affairs?
1) Consumerism
2) Feminism
3) Lack of Male Role Models
Consumerism is the biggest culprit
The excessive luxury brought about by consumerism has made men weak and soft. This was something warned about over a thousand years ago by the ancient Greeks. It was also warned against by the founding fathers of America. Even a Russian General and national hero warned about it: “Accustom yourself to tireless activity” – Alexander Suvorov, Russian General.
You become a man by doing things, creating things, learning things. Accustoming your life to tireless activity. NOT by having a job you hate then going to the mall to buy the latest gadget while looking at magazines with Kim Kardashian’s gorgeous butt on the covers to make yourself feel better.
Feminism has vilified masculinity
Women were not treated equally for the greater part of the 20th century in America. They did not have the right to vote, were regarded as less capable and less intelligent than men. Were thought to be too emotional to hold positions of power. They were an oppressed group of the population, and it was out of this oppression that feminism was born.
While it certainly had its uses and place in creating a more gender equal world, there have been some side effects. Most notably on masculinity. Masculinity has been view as chauvinistic and violent. Boys need to be more in touch with their feelings, and they need to share their feelings more. Conflict is bad, lets “talk” everything out. Look at English classes in any High School or College. I remember vividly an English class I took that was taught by a feminist Jewish woman (Lisa Kingstone). EVERY book our class had to read revolved around:
- Rape
- Pregnancy
- Betrayal
This is fine, but what about topics that appeal to men? Where is the balance? Guys want to read about bravery, strength, comradery, and overcoming challenges, not just issues that appeal mainly to women.
Feminism has made it more difficult for women to find a “real” man. Women don’t want a cave man, they want a guy who is in touch with his feelings, but who is also a real man at the same time. This may seem a bit confusing, but what women find attractive in a man is more of an attitude and style than anything else. A man with confidence, standards, ambition, a “I don’t give a sh*t attitude, leadership, dominance.
Also, with the repression of masculinity, women find it incredibly difficult to understand men since men have had to learn how to relate to women more so than the other way around. They simply do not understand how men think. They project the way they think and feel onto a man, while in reality, the way you think and feel has nothing to do with the way I am going to think or feel. You end up feeling unloved because your not being shown love the same way you provide it ( like being nurturing, sensitive, caring, thoughtful). That is simply not how men are. When a man loves you he will protect you, provide for you as best he can, and claim you (ie give you a title). Remember, men are simple.
Lack of male role models
Boys today lack examples of what it means to be a man. This goes back to the dumb dad, stupid Steve thought. Combine this with feminism and absent dads with boy who are being raised by single mothers. Boys simply lack good male role models.
So how do you become a retrosexual modern man? Whats the fix?
Really I think we should ditch terms like retrosexual and metrosexual as masculinity is NOT THAT COMPLICATED:
1) Your qualities.
2) The way you make others feel.
3) your lifestyle.
Plain and simple.
Qualities
Your qualities are your standards of behavior. The emotions you trigger in others. The confidence you project. Things like thinking for yourself, making decisions, taking care of yourself physically, paying attention to details, being responsible, courageous, strong, leadership, dominance, making something out of yourself.
The way you make others feel
You are judeged most on how you treat others. Are you a positive force in this world? Did you make a difference? Did you uplift others? Or were you just a guy who made a lot of money? Just a guy who took from others? Masculinity is doing things and creating things for the greater good.
Your lifestyle
Your lifestyle says a lot about who you are as a person. Who you are as a man. It is about being authentic and showing the best parts of who you are. So others can connect with you.
Being a real man = being a better person
No matter your place in life, being a man is about who you are, what you do, and if you make enough income at it to live the life you want. It is no more complicated than that. Having these three areas fulfilled for men is what it takes to feel like a real man. When you have these three areas of your life locked down, you can enter any relationship from a position of strenght. Knowing in your heart that you are worthy of anyone. You can rest your head at night knowing everything is taken care of.
All men are geard towards being the provider and protector of the family, and we do everything in our power to make sure positive things happens. This is what being a man is about for all men. The ability to do work that is meaningful to us, that helps shape our identity, and allows us to live the lifestyle we want. Enabling us to take care of and protect those we love around us the way we want, the way we were taught to.
best,
David
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