Manage Emotions by Focusing on What You Control

Focus on what you can control. You have more control  than you probably believe, and once you take responsibility for the good and bad that happens, you will come to realize that instead of being defeated by setbacks,  you actually get the best results controlling the things you really can, and the worst results trying to control those things you pointlessly cannot. So the two main things you control are 1) your actions and 2) your attention to things.

Think about it, you do control your actions, no matter what your feeling may be telling you. Sky dive out of a plane? You may take action and jump out that plane, but your bodies emotions resist none the less? Want that guy to notice you? Approach you? Ask you out? Instead of making things happen for yourself, you just believe that little voice in your head that says to not approach him because he won’t like you. He would never go for you.

The point is whether you do or don’t is entirely up to you, and so are the results.

Next up, your attention. You control how you direct your attention. Focus on things that make you happy or focus on things that bring sadness. It is up to you. You can give lots of attention with much openness and interest, or you can ignore it all together.

Things you do NOT control, so don’t wast your energy

1) The world around you. It is true, you can transform and change the world around you, but that does not mean it is in your control. The way you change and transform the world around you through your actions which coincidentally are in your control.

2) The people around you. You influence people, but you do not control them like a machine. You can only influence them, which is done once again through your actions. No one is forced yo obey you. Even if you threatened them with a gun. They could chose to die rather than listen to you.

3) Your feelings. I don’t care what anyone else says, you can not control your feeling, thoughts or memories. They are influenced by the emotion associated with them. Good and bad. I know the law of attraction says you become what you think of most, but what you think of most is influenced by your emotions. The stronger the emotion, the more you will think about that thought. Hopefully it will be good thoughts, making a upward happiness spiral, instead of negative thoughts creating a downward misery spiral.

Upward happiness spiral

Do things that make you feel good in the here and now. Not things for some future happiness. Remember to focus on what you control:  action and attention. Pay attention to how the results of your actions make you feel. Then use those feelings as your emotional compass. Follow emotions that feel good and congruent with what you want. Keep doing actions that lead to these results and stop the actions that do not. No matter how small that action is, every time you do this your life will be a bit more meaningful and rich, eventually attracting the right people and the right circumstances into your life.

Doing something for happiness instead of doing something because of happiness reminds me of a poem I got once in the email, it’s called “Slow Dance”. Not sure who wrote it but it is great. Check it out:

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round

Or listened to the rain slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly’s erratic flight

Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down

Don’t dance so fast

Time is short

The music won’t last

Do you run through each day on the fly

When you ask “How are you?” do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed

With the next hundred chores running through your head?

You’d better slow down

Don’t dance so fast

Time is short

The music won’t last

Ever told your child,

We’ll do it tomorrow

And in your haste, not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,

Let a good friendship die

‘Cause you never had time to call and say “Hi”?

You’d better slow down

Don’t dance so fast

Time is short

The music won’t last

When you run so fast to get somewhere

You miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,

It is like an unopened gift….

Thrown away…

Life is not a race.

Do take it slower

Hear the music

Before the song is over.

Your thoughts?

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