I’m not as strong as him. I’m not as fast as him. I’m not as talented as her. Whatever.

It dosen’t matter.

It dosen’t matter because I choose for it not to matter. I don’t let these actual real instances of inferiority devolve into induced feeling of inferiority because what’s the point of that? I’ve got skills that you don’t have either and I’m sure you’re not losing any sleep over it.

So why do we even have this concept of inferiority in our vocabulary? Because inferiority springs out not from the fact of being inferior to someone in someway, but from the feeling of being inferior.

These feeling come from competition. If I’m wanting to be a self published author but I only have two books to my name and both are rated as a 1 star on Amazon, yea I’m going to feel inferior to a whole host of other guys killing it in the self publishing industry. I would probably wish I could be like them.

It’s not the fact of actually being inferior, it’s the feeling. I also can’t bench press more than my weight but I’m cool with that because I’m not trying to bench press more than my weight. So if you’re stronger in that way it’s really just you being you.

You being you and me being me

The way immature people behave on a day to day basis is to not compete against themselves and their own norm, but instead to look to compare their norms to other people.

I find this a lot with my web development business. Perhaps as kids we compared out looks, but as adults we transition this into other equally stupid things. For example, people I work with like to compare their progress with their website to the progress of other more successful websites.

I could do this with EdgeOfDavid.com and compare it to ZenHabits.net. Hey after one year he had a massive audience and was making enough to live. EOD is a few years old now and makes a couple hundred dollars a month and gets 500 visitors a day. This is probably as far as I’m going to take it.

I’m cool with that because I never set out to make this site into a business. I have other websites designed to be a business. I just wanted a platform for my ideas. Mission accomplished.

I’m not inferior, unless I want to think of it that way. Really, I’m just doing my own thing.

Inferiority Complex has you conclude you’re not “worthy”

When you compare your progress, your norms to someone else, and you think that “so and so accomplished this and that”, you’re setting yourself up for failure because your inferiority complex will have you feel unworthy, that it’s best you don’t express your ideas and talents fully because they’re not good enough. They may not be refined enough, but you should not feel guilty about it.

Hypnotized by an erroneous idea

The idea to wish you were like someone else, to have the luck and the talent or the business of someone else is to wish to be like that person. To have their life… and you can’t have their life.

The truth is there are no fixed standards. There is no “everybody else”.  ”Everybody else” is made up of people, and no two people are alike. No two lives are alike.

Compensating for a perceived lack

We all make fun of the guy with the loud fast car:

“ah he must be compensating for something…wink wink”

There’s truth to this perhaps, it may have nothing to do with his bedroom performance but an inferiority complex does drive in individuals a superiority complex (see what I did there with that pun? Oh never mind).

It’s logical really. If I feel bad because I’m not as good as “such and such” the logical conclusion is to become as good as this avatar in our heads. That way I will feel as good as everyone else.

To feel great however, I need to be better. Way better. This drive may push excellence.

In the case of Andrew Warner over at Mixergy.com he talks a lot about his inferiority complex in that how everyone from college who graduated from business school at the same time he did was working these big important jobs while he felt like a failure trying to build his own company (he ended up building a 20 million dollar a year company by the way).

For a select few, a superiority complex derived from an inferiority complex is fuel for the fire. For everyone else though, this drive will simple lead to frustration and disappointment as we “try harder” to be like or be better than some avatar, some concept of “everybody else” in our heads.

The truth

You as a person are a compilation of a completely different experiences and circumstances than any other human being. You’re not in competition with anyone else because how can you be? You’re unique. So is everyone else.

You are not like anyone else and can not ever become “like” anyone else.

You’re not supposed to be either.

You are not superior or inferior to anyone else, unless you think that way.

The cure for an inferiority complex is to stop your useless thinking and your useless thoughts. Gain self awareness of your own uniqueness and gain constructive feelings that influence others positively through your own personality.

One you understand this self-evident principle that you are not anyone but you, that there are no standards to measure up against, that it’s not the point of why you’re here to begin with. Your feelings of inferiority will dissipate and a clear presence of NOW will emerge.

———

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The post Curing The Inferiority Complex You Don’t Realize You Have appeared first on EDGE of DAVID.

don’t take their negative qualities like anger and funnel that destructive energy into the achievement of some positive worthwhile goal.

That’s a rarity among people.

Instead they self destruct:

• Anxiety
• Worrying
• Chain smoking
• Over-eating

These self destructive channels get fed.

Life is irritating at times. Difficult even. But concentrate your fire, don’t lash out. Lashing out is exploding on someone who may have deserved it to a lesser degree.

This behavior is really just you just being irresponsible for your emotions by keeping in what you should have let out.

Express your love and express your hate

You can not love unless you are able to express your hate, your frustrations or even simply your aggressive animal nature. Without the ability let your anger out, it will end up consuming your thoughts. Preventing you from expressing affection and enjoying the positive points of your life and of others.

In fact, providing a channel to let frustrations out as a way to enable yourself to express more affection, is just as important if not more important than providing a way to express love.

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I had sex with a beautiful 33 year old Japanese woman who was in a problematic, long distance relationship with her (ex?) boyfriend.

We were great friends for a few months before this and I had no designs on her to be anything more than a friend…BUT something happened.

What exactly? It’s difficult to say what shattered the barrier between us. How it unfolded happened is still something I’m playing out over and over in my head for answers as I type this out.

How to seduce a woman:

• How do you transition a relationship from being friends into something more?
• How do you get the sexual attraction of someone you accept as “off limits”.
• How do you seduce a girl into sex and wanting more than friendship.

I don’t pretend to have the answers, let’s just get that clear out of the way. My friend David Wygant can teach you a thing or two about yourself, BUT what I can do is analyze a kind of wild and passionate relationship that had fallen upon me – totally unexpected and totally out the blue.

Maybe we can find some answers together?

Should you try to seduce a woman?

No.

As Yoda said, there is no trying, only doing. I don’t think you “try” to seduce a woman in any particular style that’s convincing and could work.

What comes to mind for this “trying” business is Jim Carrey’s character Lloyd trying to seduce Ms Mary Swanson by sticking out his butt at the ball room dance, and “trying” to be suave and debonair (but instead coming off like a complete moron).

While on the other hand you have Lloyd’s idiot friend Harry off having an awesome time with Marry: skiing, being invited to parties and really developing the foundations for a romantic relationship (or a solid friendship) by not trying to be anything to her (or be anyone) but his lovable, stupid self.

Too many guys are like Lloyd – you see this all the time with men who act differently around girls by trying to be cool, sexy, and mysterious as a way to seduce a woman.

When in reality it’s the Harry approach that – at least from my experience –  that seems to be more effective.

That is:

• Having good intentions.
• Enjoy each others company.
• Approach the relationship with no designs for anything more.
• Have an amazing and wonderful time together, always.
• Have some level of attraction with each other.

How to seduce a woman – a love story

Let’s bring this back to me and you as a way to discover how my story can show you actionable steps you can take OR at the very least, provide helpful wisdom for you to absorb.

A few things to keep in mind first:

Her previous relationship was long distance, like other side of the world long distance.

She lost her connection with him over time (nearly a year) because of the lack of intimacy, and physical and emotional connection.

Like every human, if you’re not getting your needs meet you’re open to something new.

The beginning

I supposed I should begin at the start and how we meet. We meet, it was nothing special. No particular spark between us. She became friends with my friends, then we became friends.

As like most men, I do what I want. When I wanted to see her, I would call her. If I did not, I would not. We were strictly friends, but had a wonderful connection with each other from the start.

Not a sexual connection in any way (though as in most male/female friendships I was probably more sexually attracted to her than she was to me) just a satisfying friendship:

Good conversation, good laughs, we both felt very comfortable with one another and always always, ALWAYS had fun when adventuring out together or within a group of friends.

I never tried to make a move on her in anyway (though plenty of other guys I know did, and they were soundly rejected because she had a BF). I simply viewed her as off limits and was fine with that. More than fine actually, I was quite satisfied with the relationship the way it was.

Why?

Because it was NICE to be friends with a girl and not have the relationship complicated in any way through sex or romance. I’ve never had friendships with women before, only romantic ties or nothing.

This was my first strictly platonic relationship with a girl (I guess I can still say I’ve never had a strictly platonic relationship with a girl) and I enjoyed it because we got along very naturally.

Lesson learned:

Go slow with a girl (or a guy). Not forever, but taking time over the course of a few months really does help to establish a solid foundation of respect, attraction, trust and a level of comfort with one another.

It’s easy to have an instant girlfriend or boyfriend by meeting each other and within a few weeks progressing to sleeping with each other…BUT I now find if more rewarding to go slow.

Slow with respect to sex and intimacy mind you. I still think you should get right down to the more interesting and important aspects of one another like goals and dreams as a way to create a real relationship with someone.

And not even for dating reasons, it’s just one of the best ways to connect with someone quickly (or discover that you’re on two separate wave lengths).

Seducing a girl – The trip to Angkor Wat

We decided to go to Angkor Wat. We both live in the Kingdom of Thailand, in a nice non-touristy part of the country where we can experience a more authentic but modern lifestyle of the country without all the drunken English around causing trouble or your typical Thai trying to rip you off.

She works as a teacher, I make websites and grow and manage them. So we went to Angkor Wat and shared a room to save money traveling. We’ve done this before and it had worked out fine.

But this time we got a bit closer, cuddling in the morning as I checked Facebook. It was weird. I asked her for her phone to check Facebook and she snuggled up right next to me to look too.

The same thing happened again the next morning. Except this time it last longer ( for about half an hour).

On the way back home, we had to stop off in Bangkok to take the connecting van home to the province we lived in (and this was the last van of the night, it was take the van or stay a night in Bangkok).

We decided seconds before departing to jump out and go have dinner…keeping the adventure going.

That night our relationship changed.

We shared a room again, as we’ve done multiple times before, but this night we held one another all night long. It was wonderful, but weird as we’re friends. But I went with it and enjoyed every minute of it for all of 10 hours (ending when we checked out in the morning).

This cuddling (I hate that word) between us continued for the rest of the day, in the movie theater, on the van going home. Wonderful, but strange.

When we got back to our home town, she never went home – she stayed at my place all week long. Things naturally progressed over the week from there: Kissing, love making, everything a happy couple does together.

She, for all intensive purposes became my live in girlfriend for the week.

What happened next?

At the end of the week she got on a plane to NYC to visit her boyfriend. She planed to do this two months previously because she wanted to determine what she should do next with the relationship she is in. Should she break up with him or stay together?

He’s dealing with a lot of personal demons like being nervous to go out in public, not wanting to travel, preferring to stay within the comfort and confines of his home (anxiety and hypochondria I’m told).

As for me and her our status is unknown. What happens next to me is still a mystery. How the story ends (or perhaps begins again) – time will only tell. Was our week was just a flash in the pan and nothing more? Will she continue her long distance relationship (probably not)?

Amazing how that decision to ditch the van last second changed everything.

Whats next? I really have no idea. But I’m excited to find out, good or bad.

How to seduce a woman – 1) Be what she’s looking for when she’s not getting what she wants from what she has. 2) Have no designs on her. Let things evolve as they may with no expectations. 3) Be that confident, successful guy who’s living life on his terms (this takes time and maturity). 4) Luck and good timing :)

Thanks for reading!

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So stop acting like you’re 10 years old and don’t work. Stop pretending like you’re NOT his equal (becauase you are) especially when you want to be treated equally in all other ways (except with money).

If you think it’s rude when men don’t pay, we think it’s rude when you assume we will pay for everything – you’re taking us for granted and treating us like an ATM (instead of being appreciative of us for offering to pick up the tab).

A woman has every right to be treated like a lady, to be loved, to be cared for, protected, to feel like the #1 priority for her man. To have doors open and stuff caried for her.

But you need to treat men with respect as well. Men will not stick around with a woman who takes him for granted, who expects him to conform to social roles “just because” while she does not.

It would be chauvinistic for me to assume my girlfriend should just cook for me, do my laundry and keep the place clean just the same if she assumes a man should pay for everything even if she works.

The point however is not even about money, it’s about appreciation and respect for one another. A man should pay on the first couple of dates, but once exclusivity is established – it’s up to the income dynamics of a relationship.

I’m not even implying men and women should split the bill, the whole idea is about entitlemet. Entitlement equally unattractive for a man or a woman. It’s what helps to ruin relationships. You need to strike an equilibrium or one side is going to feel un-loved and un-appreciated.

At worst, you might simply need to abandon the relationship because you’re dating the wrong person.

Share on Facebook and Twitter and let me know how wrong I am.

The post How a Man Should Handle “Pretend” Independent Women appeared first on EDGE of DAVID.

When someone says they’re a “creative type” what message are they trying to convey? Do they even know? After spending the last week reading books to help me become more creative – to help me come up with better ideas, better names for websites and better taglines with intrigue and interest I’ve come to realize this simple truth:

Creativity is nothing more than the realization that there is little virtue in doing things they way they’ve always been done.

How can we expand this to our relationships I wonder? What hidden messages are we sending with our words to others when we describe our likes and dislikes or when we verbalize our goals and what we want for ourselves? Most of us are not even that honest – we simply say things because of concepts we subscribe to as being right and core to being a “good person”.

What if we were able to be more honest and blunt in our description of ourselves?

• I like sex, I’m not faithful but I love deeply.
• I’m unemployed  and have no idea what I’m doing with my life.
• I want to have a lesbian experience because it’s part of my sexuality I want to explore.
• Gay men freak me out

Even if you’re direct and tastelessly honest you’re still sending hidden messages:

• This person is socially unaware of whats acceptable.
• This person values openness and honesty.
• This person is fu%king crazy.

Oh well – hidden messages are there even if we intend them or not. We all want to see past what we are told – be aware of this.

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